She Was a Star Tonight

the night was dark,
eerie and freezing like death,
like never before,
as if
the vacuum grew 
larger than the universe,
but for the star,
that hung in the sky,
quiet,
while there was a lot to speak;
while his impatience grew,
to hear the nightingale's voice,
she endured a different war within,
whether to melt again,
or, let his heart crack 

the night was dark,
the distances,
tough for the mind to assess,
but the star hung in the sky,
as if wanting to
see him, speak to him
to make up for the weeks
lost in between,
but she fought a strange war within,
whether to melt again,
or, let his heart crumble 

the night was dark,
when the air stood still,
as the star kept a watch
over him,
as he held her
in his gaze,
a teardrop oozed,
from his eyes,
none said a word,
yet had volumes to talk,
but she fought a tough war within,
whether to melt again,
or, let his heart break 

that she's a star,
was not unknown to him,
the way she'd shine,
the ways she'd stay up,
night after night,
the way she'd spread smiles,
the way she'd stood
like a rock,
come rain, come shine,
the way she'd stand firm
through days, and nights,
over the years,
away from the glare,
but she was a star tonight,
tucked in the sky,
out there watching him,
as his gaze stayed fixed,
and a prayer slipped his lips,
as if wishing upon
a shooting star,
and there, she fought a painful war within,
whether to melt,
or, let the hearts break, again!





© sashikant mohanty

Fadeless Smiles

your care and concern
was as infectious
as your smile,
your heart,
as large as the universe
would aim to be

from a distant memory,
many frames
flash like an endless roll,
the way you'd feed me,
with tender motherly care,
the way you calmed me,
when i was upset, or sore,
the way you'd open the door.
with a smile on your face,
as if i was a son,
from another womb,
the rare moments,
you'd let the tears overflow,
i hope you found warmth,
as you snuggled
against a son's chest,
as i tried to repay,
the debts of gratitude and love,
i carried in my soul

the last time, we met,
is too recent to be a memory,
yet too distant to be recent anymore,
you didn't miss to ask,
checking on all,
mother, wife, daughter, and son,
brothers, sisters, their families,
and all,
friends and their children,
near and far,
and the words spelled blessings,
as if you strung them close,
as if you knew
what was in store

that day,
you signed off with
“come home when you are here next!”
i've kept my word, today
that i gave, that day,
i’ve come back, mausi,
but where are you?
your smile is etched all over,
and your voice echoes even more,
but the quiet eyes
and the fadeless smiles,
in the portrait on the wall,
tells our journey was thus far,
as i dread a long wait,  
and try to convince my senses
you're no more!




© sashikant mohanty

You Leave Me More Alone

don't be my sweet,
the sweeter you become,
the more you're a mirage,
the closer i try to be,
the farther you appear,
and you leave me more alone

don't be my moon,
and never a blue moon,
the more i believe,
that we share a soul,
the more i feel your warmth,
you leave me more alone

don't be a visitor in my dreams,
the moments,
you flash across my sleep,
you make up for several lives,
but every time i open my eyes,
you leave me more alone

don't be my hope,
the closer you're wrapped to my chest,
the more i nurse you,
the greater is the pain in hope,
the closer you're to me,
the more i break,
and you leave me more alone

don't be my life, my sweet,
the more you give wings to them,
the tougher it gets
when you leave,
the way your heart beats in me,
the hundred ways you speak
to me in silence,
the more deafening it gets
when you're gone,
and you leave me more alone

don't be my love,
the more you're part of me,
the more you'll be hurt,
by my love,
don't be my love ever,
even when your heart is weak,
don't spare me,
even a small corner in your heart,
for when that corner
would be closed for me
you'll leave me more alone



© sashikant mohanty

Melt Tonight

today,

i'm caught

in the crosswinds,
as i trade my life,
to keep us alive,

as i burn myself,
to keep them glowing,

the light and my dreams,

as i tend to your wounds,
looking away from my own,

and hard, 

i try to keep hope alive

today,

I'm caught

fighting the tides of dark,

as they pound
the poor flickering light,

as i stand helpless,
and lonely,
between life and lifelessness,
between living and existing,

with prayers as my only might,

and belief in you brighter far, than light

today,

i'm lost,

between the storms of memories,

and the tsunami of dreams,

between lamenting the wrongs,

and swallowing of the rights,

between the whispers,
with eyes shut tight,

as i wake from a dream,
starry and bright

with a ray of hope, frail yet bright,

that you'd melt,

tonight



© sashikant mohanty

Love Is a Prayer

love is a prayer,

both simple and profound,

both deep and unwavering,

how often,

when and where you lean on it,

and what all is in it,

no one knows,

other than you

love is like a prayer,

once you start,

there is no stopping,

once it becomes a habit,

there is no going back,

where it all started,

when it became breathing,

no one will ever know,

not even you

love is like a prayer,

both rooted deep in belief,

and cemented in trust,

but neither needing words,

both founded on hope,

but neither expecting,

how strong, and deep,

nobody ever fathomed

not even you

love is more than a prayer,

one for god you've never seen,

don't know if he even listens,

don't know what he looks like,

don't know if he has time for you

but still, you pray;

the other

is for a god you've seen,

seen flesh and blood,

you've known she listens,

you know her heart melts,

you've smelled,

and heard her breath

you know is yearning for your breath,

you're sure her heart beats for you,

loving is praying a lot more,

nobody will ever know of,

not even your god!

© sashikant mohanty

Another Day

another day has rolled by,
it took long,
very long, maybe years,
as i struggled
between hope and despair,
between giving up and a silent prayer,
another day dragged by

another day has rolled by,
it refused to start,
without hearing your sweet voice,
looking back,
i don't complain
how few those words,
and how hurried, those calls,
but between tears and a long wait,
another day dragged by

another day has rolled by,
it's taken ages, and
as i'm drained and tired,
every bit,
and as i almost resigned,
as my heart has paused,
and my tears dried,
without hearing
nightingale's voice,
as i couldn't be sure,
if you still hold
the same people in your prayers,
another day refuses to pass by!





© sashikant mohanty

Living Up A Dream Again

when your untamed hair,
flowing over your shoulders,
reveals an unhurried you,
and the strands of black and golden
pat and glide across your face,
and an odd one sticks to your lips,
stroked by the gentle wafts,
and flattered by the compliments
of the playful autumn breeze,
on a lazy sunday evening,
under the october sky,
they may not mean anything to you,
but they move the mountains,
and when my heart skips a beat,
they mean living up a dream again


when you step out of the cabin,
and bend over the railings,
atop the trawler's deck,
the tides hammer against the sides,
and a shower of a million drops of brine
pecks a kiss on you,
when the unhindered gusts of wind
wrap your dupatta to hug you,
against the horizons sinking into the oceans,
they may not mean anything to you,
but when time freezes, and so does my heart,
when blood races up my neck,
they mean living up a dream again


when you walk barefoot on the beach,
and leave your footprints,
sharp, as if pedicured,
on the sands of time,
until the waves wash and erase them,
when the soothing, yet obstinate breeze
plays hide-and-seek,
and you grab the loose ends of your dupatta,
when the dipping sun
turns you into a silhouette,
and my heart aches deep,
longing to be where it belongs,
they may not mean a whole lot to you,
but as the frames are etched in my eyes,
and the flames rekindled in your heart,
and i'm lost between memories and hopes,
my sweet,
they mean living up a dream again,
with you!




© sashikant mohanty 

I Wait, Every Night

i wait
for you every night
to peck a kiss on my eyes
to sip the brine
that stood too long waiting for you,

i wait
for you in the dark of my room,
for your arms to envelope me,
for the warmth of your skin,
for the shiver, as your fingers lock mine,
for my dry lips to find moisture
in yours,
for my tongue to find life
in yours,
for your head to lie on my shoulders,
and mine to rest on your bosoms,
for the scent of your untamed hair,
and the smell of you,

i wait,
and I dream,
long and with eyes wide shut
your eyes unmoved,
as a warm line of tears
trickled from the corner of your eyes,
as if to say sorry,
and go on to ask,
why didn't you come sooner?,
your red eyes,
locked with my sleepy ones,
meeting one last time,
before the last few minutes,
i wish death could wait,
and why should it not,
when life waited for years

i wait,
day after day, 
as i light another diya,
whisper the same prayers,
one more time,
hoping my god will wake up
hoping it'd be soon,
i wait,
dusk after dusk,
for a new dawn
when your feet would lead to my nest,

i wait,
lying in my bed
amidst,
the dark, the tears and my pillow,
for you to come,
so we could share them,
the dark, our tears and our pillow,
between you and i,
they too are tired -
waiting for you,
been up many nights in a row,
or, was it not one endless night?
my heart aches,
the same like then,
and an old hindi song fills the room,
with a longing,
the same - like then,
caught between my heartache and my dreams,
i can see you walking up,
in your bobby-print brown-and-beige churidaar,
but it seems like a long red carpet,
and you take forever,
it's been a long wait
come soon,
before my heart 
falls asleep - forever!




© sashikant mohanty

One Day

one day,
you will miss, and cry

one day,
you'll run a thousand miles,
scan every corner, and try

one day,
you will stand in wait, endlessly,
and pray, 

and keep at it, until the eyes turn dry

one day,
you'd also want to say "sorry",
for the deep deep cut,
for the way it bled,
and turned into rubble, dead and dry

one day,
you will wait for the phone to ring,
you'll yell "pick up!"
"where the hell are you!"
and keep praying,
and waiting, 
with tears alone to keep you warm,
under the chill of night-sky

one day,
you'll sit with two cups of hot tea,
but they will turn cold,
and so your tears will, too,

you'd recall the day,
when the return of the smiles
made you cry
and the little girl in you blushed shy

one day,

you'll crave again, 
pray for the old days to be back,
for a warm hug, tight and long,
when the sun sinks, and night is nigh

but that day,
it would be a little too late,
for the thoughts to reach,
for your voice to be heard,
for the hands to touch,
and you to feel the warmth,
for even the gods to listen,
"one last time," 
even if you yell and cry!




© sashikant mohanty

Shades of Love

my upwelling,
and my welling up,
my anxieties,
and my absurdities,
my restlessness,
and my helplessness,
my prayers,
and my tears,
my whispers,
and my murmurs,
my sunsets,
and my sunrises,
my ebbings,
and my flowings,
my gentle breezes,
and my storms,
my drizzles,
and my downpours,
my hugs,
and my partings,
my waits,
and my frustrations,
my patience,
and my impatience,
my perseverance,
and my persistence,
my beliefs,
and my hanging in,
my sighs,
and my silences,
my fears,
and my hopes,
my memories,
and my dreams,
my heartbreaks,
and my heartbeats

they're all but
strokes of the same brush,
myriad shades of love

the day they are no more,
know that i am no more!





© sashikant mohanty

Strange, The Ways of Destiny

it's strange

the ways of destiny

when they sought each other madly,

it led them on different paths,

when the longing was tearing,

to be in each other's arms,

their worlds were thrown apart,

a thousand miles,

and the space of a lifetime

it's strange

the ways of destiny,

when their unexpressed emotions

had almost died,

and their unborn tears almost dried,

when their indelible memories almost faded,

and were edged out slowly by hope,

it led them back,

and crossed their paths,

and brought to life,

a sky full of dreams,

and the missed diwali of their lives,

it turned their seas choppy,

and tossed them ashore,

and set their waves back into rhythm,   

to run and roll into each other again

it's strange

the ways of destiny,

she wishes to see a smile on him,

but she's stuck,

where she is and can't crave him

wholeheartedly,

and

he wants to see a smile spread on her face,

but stuck where he is, with unspent love,

seeking in the snow-capped mountains of dreams,

and surfing in the oceans of hope,

he can't uncrave her -

wholeheartedly!

© sashikant mohanty

She Didn't Let Him Be

it's not that
her soul didn't cry for him;
every time she reached out,
she'd touch his soul,
it's not that she wasn't aware
how he'd touch her soul,
but, she wouldn't let him be

it's not that
she was not kind;
whenever she was,
she'd go miles to spring a surprise,
at the very instant, he'd hoped,
but had the least expected,
it's not that she wasn't aware
what lengths he would go
to carve a smile on her,
but she wouldn't let him be

it's not that
she'd forgotten to touch him,
to gently touch his heart,
if anyone ever missed and prayed,
it certainly was she -
an ocean of tenderness,
a sky of hope,
it's not like
she doesn't miss
being soaked in his thoughts,
but she wouldn't let that be

it's not that
she didn't tear up,
or, pray for him,
nor that, she didn't know
how the gods changed plans
upon his prayers,
but lest she is indebted,
she'd never let him be

it's not that
she couldn't see
how broken he was;
she was shaken and moved,
and she even promised to be with him,
but lest she should melt again,
she'd never let that be

it's not that
she didn't feel
how deep, his warmth,
the ones that he penned down,
and the ones for which her tears oozed,
but she held them tight to her chest,
never to open up,
she even offered 
to be nestled in his heart,
but in life,
she wouldn't let that be

it's not that
she wasn't moved
by his love:
in fact,
their dreams never ceased to be,
but lest the gods bless his prayers,
even to be perched in his prayers,
and dreams,
she wouldn't let him be




© sashikant mohanty

If Only

if only you knew
how tough it is to wait,
if only your lips dried up praying,
the way they did here,
if only you felt the pangs
deep - like i go through,
if only i was missed,
the way you are here, 
the way it has been every moment,
if only you lay awake,
gazing into the december skies,
wondering where i was,
how it'd be out there, in the cold,
if only you could look once
into my dreary eyes,
and, find in them, a beaming you,
if only you got drenched,
as you rush to see me,
if only you sit before me 
and i keep wondering
if it's raindrops or tears,
that melted in your eyes,
if only you stepped out of the dreams,
in the yellow starched pallu
wrapped over a white churidar, 
inch closer, lock your eyes with mine,
as the memories lit up and shine,
if only you lazed in the mornings,
the way you would then,
too close to be apart again

if only
you feel the feelings,
if only
you listen to the unworded thoughts,
if only
you saw my heart leap out of my eyes,
my sweet,
wouldn't you melt again,
in me,
wouldn't you let your soul
merge all over, again,
with mine?

© sashikant mohanty

Bring Along Your Smile

be like the blooms,
of srinagar's tulip gardens,
be the riot of colors,
red, purple, white, golden and all,
be like the spring in the step,
come winter, spring, summer, or fall
be the rainbow on earth,
and the harbinger of good times,
that spread the smiles,
across those thousands of miles

be like the waves,
that roll and surf over the beaches,
that never leave each other,
but cling together,
as they ebb and flow,
as they inspire the breeze,
fill the hearts with joy,
and bring along the smiles
across many thousands of miles

be like the stars,
that twinkle and let my heart tickle,
that come together to light up the skies,
and never try to outshine,
that spread the smiles,
and tread thousands of miles

be the angels,
that ring in life in my school,
come! enjoy, life is a song,
carve those bonds - deep and strong,
sketch the memories,
that will thrive all along,
exams will come and go,
you sure will shine, and come ashore,
but bring along your bubbly smile,
and do light up each and every while!




© sashikant mohanty

Don't Leave Today

i don't know
how long the day would be mine,
how long this bright sunshine,
how long before the clouds roll along,
how long this
here-now-gone-the-next game,
how far you'll hold my hands, 
how long you're the wind
beneath my wings,
how long the night
before the sun's first ray,
but, now that you are home,
don't insist on leaving today

i don't know
when the nothings became a habit,
when the calls became steroids,
when the nights became longer,
when the mornings sweeter,
when the wait made my heart flutter,
when hope struck deeper,
when after eons, 
life beamed a hope of ray,
but now that our souls are one again,
don't insist on leaving today

i don't know
why our paths crossed again,
why the dew drops returned to the eyes,
and so did sweet pain,
why the craving is endless and insane
why you've nested in my heart again,
why it's tough to let go,
why you don't let me free,
why you snuggle against my chest,
(or is it a dream!)
why your smile tugs
at my heartstrings,
why the scent lingers on,
from a distant memory,
why the earth smells sweet, 
like after a long-due shower,
why a new dream
is perched on my eyes,
but now that you have
breathed life back in me,
please don't insist on leaving today!




© sashikant mohanty

My God Is Fast Asleep

today, my prayers were deep,
yet something was missing,
i don't know what it was,
maybe she knows,
for she has penned it all,
and springs a surprise in the end,
i'm sure she has a purpose,
like always

today, there was none
missing my text, or call,
there's no angst today
for the unread text,
no restlessness,
for the unreturned call,
there's no galloping of heartbeats,
for her safety and health,
as my eyes closed,
as my hands came together,
and my lips whispered,
and the temple bell rang in rhythm,
still, something seems missing

today, it was a lonely ride back,
there was none to tell
don't take that road,
it's not safe at night,
today i was not in a hurry
i didn't glance at my watch,
to rush to make a call,
and ask,
please have food on time,
could you get home early?
would you text when you reach?
not that they were ever answered,
but today even my lips were numb,
and my world, still,
and, still something seems missing

today, the skies were moist,
as if they too missed the gods,
today she's a soul,
beyond the heart that beats,
beyond the eyes that spoke,
and smiles that light up hope,
she flows like a river,
she soars like a kite,
and, glows like the moon,
today my god is fast asleep
refusing to melt,
but, something seems missing

today, my prayers were deep,
yet something was missing,
i wish i knew, what it was,
was it my dried-up tears,
or, was it the pale smile on her?




© sashikant mohanty

Who Goes To School To Study

who goes to school to study!
we went looking for friends,
we'd love the school choir,
the piano classes, 
the founder's day functions 
and the teachers' day skits,
when every day was 
a festival
who cared for
the sweltering april mornings 

who cared for the books!
we loved our ma'ams and sirs
who brought the books to life,
and faced our whys and hows,
with a graceful smile,
they'd let us fall, and fail
and watched us get up,
as they chiseled the edges,
and polished the corners 
and they carved our smiles
for a journey, thousands of miles

who cared for the exams!
we went to have fun,
with the questions and graphs,
played chor-police, 
built paper rockets and
sent them soaring,
played colour-colour-which-colour
do-you-choose,
fiddled with pebbles and rubble,
to create ripples in the school pond
made sand castles,
and saw them crash
learned to swing from the banyan trees
with a bunch of lifelong friends

who went to school for classes!
for the classes were
the time between breaks,
for school was a long holiday
year after year,
not even a day to spare,
who went to schools to study
we'd long for monday mornings,
so we could let our hearts free,
and set our dreams on fire

as the kid gets off the bus
tosses the lunch box in the air,
ran with a spring in his step,
with his white shirt untucked,
he scales the wall,
and runs straight to the sandpit,
my heart leaped out
as a thought flashed my mind,
do they still make schools 
like them, today,
where classes are the breaks
where bonds are cemented for life



© sashikant mohanty 

You Never Come Alone

when your thoughts come rolling
in my loneliest moments,
they're chased by tears,
of angst, 
and a strong urge
to run to you.
you'd never come alone,
and you never leave without
robbing my heart

when your dreams
come to light up my dark,
they don't leave before
planting grains of hope,
to be back together again.
you never come alone,
and you never miss
to steal my sleep

whenever you come to me,
and my soul soaks
in bliss,
you never miss a chance
to hurt,
so i don't miss you a lot and long,
when you're gone.
you never come alone,
and you never leave without
touching my heart strings!



© sashikant mohanty 

When The Masks Came Off

they sat inches apart,
each putting up
a brave smile,
as their breaths
turned shallow,
and hearts hammered, 
for the smiles held back
a lot more
than they seemed to say

one hid her pains
growing deep in her chest,
to curl up her lips
into a smile,
her best jewel as he'd say,
the other,
hiding the missings,
deep in his heart,
for years, 
yet wearing his smile
that she'd fondly call
cupid come alive

one last blush,
they forced,
and he swiftly turned
to leave,
but a thud
broke the silence,
as the masks came off,
and then -
their bloodshot eyes met
all at once,
one choking up,
and the other -
fighting
the fierce flood of tears



© sashikant mohanty 

Melting Tears

don't stop the melting snow,

let it melt when it's heavy,

with its own weight,

and when it thaws and rolls, 

it doesn't merge into the stream,

it becomes the stream

don't meddle with the flow of the river,

let it roll, burble along gently at midnight,
gleaming in the moonlit sky, 

when it's come all the way down,

braving deep valleys and steep bends, 

when its dreams come alive, 

it doesn't merge with the seas

It becomes the seas 

don't hold up the pacing wind,

let it carry your whisper to me, 

and race your heartbeats,

when it's nervous with thrill, and shivers,

it doesn't merge with the storm,

it becomes the storm

don't stop the melting tears, 

as they force their way
all the way up from your heart,

let them choke you, 

as there's no going back,

and when the upwelling peaks, 

your soul doesn't merge with mine,
it just becomes mine 



© sashikant mohanty

I Wonder How!

you rise in my skies
even before the sun takes to its sky,
you're the first one my eyes see,
even before they open, every day,
every breath has your name
writ large on them,
wonder how you felt,
you were not the loved one

i fell for you, eons back
i'd fall for you, 
as the moon ebbed and flowed,
every day, month after month, year upon year,
i long for you every moment,
wait with my eyes open,
as dreams and fears take turns,
as the warm tears climb into my eyes,
only to be knocked off by the chill breeze,
under the watch of a million stars,
wonder how you could think,
you were not the loved one

you are the wind beneath my wings,
for you alone, my heart skips a beat,
every time i see you,
you steal it all over again,
every single time you meet me,
i dream of starting days with you,
i fancy dreaming with your eyes too,
wonder how you could even think,
you were not my loved one!




© sashikant mohanty 

Say Something

say something

even if it's a whisper,

even if it's miserly little,

even if it's through your breath,

doesn't matter if it hurts,

open your eyes, sweet,

will you just say something?

i can't wait any longer,

say it with your eyes,

but, please say something

write something,

how you're holding up,

even if it's a line,

even if it's a word,

even if it doesn't make sense,

do scribble something,

your silence is scary,

please say something

i have spent days,

well, many, and years

not hearing from you,

was forced to make friends

with deafening silence,

but moments take longer

than years, today,

talk to me, 

i can take it even if you're rude, 

but, get up, 

say it with gestures,

say with nothings,

but, please say something!

© saahikant mohanty

Why this bias

 

running
through the valleys, ravines,
and the gorges,
rolling over the stones and the logs,
the deep falls and the steep curves,
gasping for breath,
after the painful journey of a thousand miles,
as the river prepares for the final plunge
to merge with its love,
the sea doesn't choose who to embrace
and who not to

bracing
the hills and the hillocks,
the dunes and the jungles,
the pines and the oaks,
the tall skyscrapers and the tough alleys,
waiting for days, weeks, and months
for the spring,
as the breeze can't wait to merge with its love, 
the flower doesn't choose
which breeze to pick its pollens,
and which not to

battered
by the rains and the sun,
and chipped away by the biting winters,
bruised by the tiring walks and falls,
worn and torn by the sleepless nights,
when the pilgrim makes it to the temple,
god doesn't choose who to show up for,
and who not to

when the sea doesn't choose between rivers
when the flowers don't between the breezes,
when god doesn't between men,
when the moon doesn't between pastures,
why do you?
and how long, more?




© sashikant mohanty

Gratitude

i'm grateful for god's gifts,

while many were not as lucky,

i'm grateful for the light,

while others waited in vain for their turn,

i'm grateful for the small mercies

while many sweated out, yet missed them,

i'm grateful for being loved and missed,

while the wait was endless elsewhere,

i'm grateful for the sunshine,

as i had made peace with the clouds

i'm  grateful for the moments of happiness,

many were deprived of even a ray of it,

i'm grateful to those who trusted me,

as i got to see myself through others' eyes,

i'm grateful for the warmth of my loved one,

as many settled for long winters, all along,
i'm grateful for everything,
as many had to return with nothing

i'm grateful for the sorrows, as well,

they helped me feel the richness of joy,

i'm grateful also for the pains,

they helped me feel others' better,

i'm grateful for my failure too, 

it helped me stay human,

i'm grateful for those that wronged me, as well,

they strengthened my belief in the right,

i'm grateful for those who didn't trust me,

they helped me value trust over love,

i'm grateful also for the dark,

light wouldn't have felt a luxury until then

for all that you sent my way,

the thoughts, the words, the prayers and

the endless everything,

i'm soaked with gratitude,

as i deserved nothing,

for everything that you sealed with a kiss, 

and sent with a prayer,

life, love, hope and sunshine,

and the limitless mercies

my heart swells with gratitude,

and it still befuddles why i'm the chosen one!

© sashikant mohanty

Who Are You?

you are always around
when my spirits are low,
and my heart feels sorely lost,
weak, fragile and frozen,
you ring in sunshine,

when my sky is overcast,
you keep a watch over me,
with words, thoughts,
endless prayers,
and sleepless nights,
when my feet are tired,
and your feet are tied,
who are you -
god, my soul, or my love?

you always go missing,
after your prayers
deliver miracles to life,
when the clouds clear up,
and the smiles are back.
you're not around for a moment
even for a "thank you",
why don't i find you, life,
after i find my life,
who are you -
god, my soul, or my love?

where the words heal,
where the thoughts soothe,
where the prayers shield,
where the quiet actions rekindle,
where the dreamy eyes inspire,
where the voice intoxicates,
where the touch casts a layer,
that even death can't break,

where blessings arrive before the prayers

where the seeker and the muse merge, 
who are you -
if not
god, my soul, or my love?



© sashikant mohanty

Every Sunset Is A Promise

the dew was unusual,

seeped through to her skin,

the layers giving up this time,

she got chills

every time the breeze played pranks,
with her unkempt hair
and a sloppy pallu,

that december afternoon;

as the slant rays shivered,

lost in the orange and blue skies,

a thought crossed his mind -

if the sunset is around, 

can the dark be far behind?

as the dust settled,

and the noise faded, 

making way for an eerie quiet,

the long shadows spelled out
the end was near,

as god was in a deep sleep,

as the breeze played
hide and seek,

patted the wafts
on their numb cheeks,

and shook his spine of belief,

her palm was eclipsed by his,

but her fingers sank in,
firmly clasped his, 

and her unshaken eyes met his,
as if to say,

every sunset is a promise,

the universe's promise
for a new sunrise, 

for hope and sunshine

© sashikant mohanty 

The Wider The Cut, The Better The View

how else would you have known me,

had the hearts not broken,

the wider the cut, 

the better the view

nothing ever convinced you

my heart beats for you, come rain, come shine;

hadn't it been shattered to pieces,

how else would you've seen,

your name writ on each,

the more the blows, 

the better they shone,

they may be a pool of red,

but each craves a tight hug,

one last time, just from you

how else would i have known you,

how you've changed since then

the shades, and the layers,

until i broke again,

how'd you have believed,

that i die for you, a bit every day, 

until you saw the dying pieces

that lipped out a final prayer for you,

before waving a smile one last time, 

before turning into dust again

how else could i have seen you melt,

until a warm drop bounced on my eye,

merged with mine,

forcing my sleepy eyes to open,

to be greeted by your moist pearls,

and your sweating palm on my chest,

a whisper too soft for my deafening mind,

and a smile that let out - all is well, my sweet!

© sashikant mohanty

कैसा अनोखा अलविदा

हम तो तुमपे जान देने चले थे,
हर रोज़ थोड़ा थोड़ा ज़हर भी पी लेते थे,
थकान कभी दिल की, तो कभी दिमाग की थी,
कभी बे दिशा भागादौड़ी की थी 

हम तो तुमपे जान देने निकले थे
हर शाम ढलते ही, बैठ जाते जाम लेके,
कभी सन्नाटे मे दिल मे दफनाए हुए आरज़ू के संग,
तो कभी बेजुबान आंखों मे दबी नमि के परछाईओं मे।

हम तो तुमपे जान निसार करते थे,
आधी ज़िंदगी ऐसे इंतज़ार मे गुज़र गई,
बस आंधी आने ही वाली थी,
और मिटने की वक्त चौखट पे खड़ी थी,
इतनी जल्दी भी क्या थी, 
जो तुम अपने हाथों को ख़ून से रंग ली।।




© शशीकांत मॅहान्ती

You Have Changed

you've changed,
your eyes don't leap with joy
when they meet the twinkle in mine
the way they would, then,
your voice doesn't echo my glee,
the way it would,
it doesn't ring music, nor, rain the longings,   
that'd set my heart racing,
come every evening;
i turn restless, still,
my breath still gallops shallow,
but it's to listen to your silence;
you've changed a lot,
you talk less,
but your silence speaks a lot more

you've changed
from the one, i knew, years back,
who let her heart speak,
wore an infectious smile,
and winked those talkative eyes;
you've changed a lot,
you lie through the teeth, these days
with words that sometimes hurt and cut,
but, in your quiet corner,
you pray hard, tear up,
sit up and write,
compile from life's torn sheets,
night after night,
to ring in,
that infectious smile, on me 

you've changed,
now from then,
you kept your smile growing,
and kept me going
the weeks, months, and years;
you were sweet,
caring and tender too,
but, you've changed a lot,
into a selfish you,
you're always there,
when the moist eyes are mine,
but cut me off,
when the blurry eyes are thine

you've changed a lot,
you always hide them
behind your eyes, shut tight,
it was the fond dreams then,
it's the dear tears and prayers, now
you'd feign an excuse to slip away, then
when you were weak,
and you knew, my heart longed for you,
you feign just the same, 
you turn away, even now
when i grow weak in my knee, 
and your heart skips a beat for me!




© sashikant mohanty

Undreaming

i chose a different road today,
laced with different trees,
many - all but scorched branches,
with hardly a leaf,
stiff they stood, and barely a whiff;
i'd set out to find another friend,
but when i paused, at every bend,
you, i couldn't unfriend

i tried turning a new leaf,
tuned in to different songs,
wrote, erased, rewrote the texts,
and didn't send, still
flipped through books,
but didn't make sense of a line,
pulled a sheet on hope, put it to sleep,
even avoided the street,
where the temples stood,
but as the prayers left my lips,
you, i couldn't unsee

i resolved for a different today, 
started with coffee,
and not the usual aroma tea,
made a few calls,
giggled and grinned,
but when my jaws were tired,
and a lull settled by my ear,
and when alone, i sank in my chair,
your soothing voice, i couldn't unhear

i'd sworn myself to stay away, 
to not listen to my heart's say,
but between the sips,
the books, and the songs
when the frames played and plunged, all day,
with eyes shut wide, as tired i lay,
when they well up, to the brim,
your smiles and our castles, i can't ever undream!




© sashikant mohanty

Endless Everything

i miss
the smiles,
the prayers,
the years of closeness
the tears of parting,
the fears of losing,
the looks that meant the world,
and, the endless everything

i miss
the warm embrace,
of the winter dawn,
the unsaid words lipping out,
the renewed hopes,
the lazy mornings,
the silly nothings,
the steaming tea,
the smell of the earthen cup,
the wiping with the dupatta,
the unkempt tresses,
the staying up, all night,
the countless sleepless nights,
and, the endless everything

I miss
the innocent banter,
under the starry skies,
the warmth in the chill,
the breeze, and the moon,
the being on the moon,
where dreams were fanned,
the castles built, filled with teddies,
the touch, that gives goosebumps still,
the words, that slipped,
the skipping of beats,
the racing of blood,
the longing to be hand-in-hand 
in the hills, the valleys, and the seas,
and, the endless everything

i miss
the smiles, the chirpy lips,
the gleaming eyes
where hopes were sown,
between the thoughts, and the silences,
of the wordless calls, 
of a fancy world,
of a dainty stream,
an idyllic slope between the hills
of the daisies and the tulips,
of woolly lambs nibbling the velvet, 
of the medley of the birds,
and the blooming of dreams,
under the sky, dressing up, 
of the angel's return to the nest,
of the return of the smiles,
the warmth, the nothings, the numbness,
and the endless everything!




© sashikant mohanty

So What

so what,
if you're not there,
when the lights went out,
when my heart sank, a bit low,
a bit more than the other days,
but then, you were always there
when my heart looked no further

so what,
if you're not there, today
when i couldn't take any more
when i'm at a breaking point,
but you were always there,
firm as a rock, 
when i grew weak in my knees,
and your prayers took over,
if it wasn't you

so what,
if you're not there, today
when my eyes welled up, so often;
where was i, all these years,
when you choked up
all by yourself, not letting me know,
lest i should rush to you?

so what,
if you're not there, today,
to wipe the tears, pat me strong
clasp my palm firm, and hug me tight,
i know, i didn't deserved them,
not then, when you were,
not now, when you aren't

so what,
you're not there, today,
when a tired heart awaits a caring another
when a worn head looks for a firm shoulder,
my heart not knowing, who you are
the one who prays,
stronger than anyone ever,
or, the one who's kept the scars gaping, 
forever

so what
you're not here, today,
when my eyes are tired,
but sleep eludes
when your heart has melted
but flesh unsure,
when your heart longs
for the world of dreams,
but the sole wanders on quicksand,
away from the soul




© sashikant mohanty

Mother's Day

a mother isn't always
the one who bears a child,
for the nine months,
a mother isn't only the one
who feeds and nurses her child,
a mother isn't just the one
who raises only her own blood

a mother is also born 
when care oozes for someone,
you had never met, may never after,
for a stranger,
for the one who's not related,
when her heart bleeds and beats
for the distant, beyond the close,
when she pays the bills
of the unknown,
prepares their fond dishes,
risks her safety,
so they're safe,
and calls them "kids"

a mother is also born
when she stays up, tears up,
at the hearing
of someone's pain,
brushing aside
her own wounds,
ignoring her own pains,
fighting her own sleep,
risking her own health

to the mother
who is born every day,
whose heart oozes
with love, and life,
concerns, fears and tears
for others, before hers
to the one who none calls "maa",
and yet is no less than the best of mothers,
every day is mother's day

to the mother out there,
whose heart bleeds
and beats for the kids,
not thinking, even for a moment
if the blood is hers,
to the best mother ever,
every day is a mother's day,
here's wishing you,
happy mother's day!



© sashikant mohanty

Never Enough

however many, the number of births,
to love you, they'll never be enough,
however long we be together,
it's sure never going to be enough,
however long those idyllic evenings,
for our silly nothings, they're never going to be enough;
however exotic the different teas, or coffee,
they're never enough to match the smell
of rusk, ginger tea, and you,
however many times we speak,
the cravings are never enough
for one more time

however loud the grins and giggles
with people around,
they're never enough to touch my heart
the way your quiet smiles do,
however many the days
since that last time,
one call asking "any plan of food?"
suddenly makes you feel hungry,
however much the chill,
one welcoming hug is warm enough
to outlive any winter

however long the gaps
since the last time,
one call is good enough to cast a spell,
like the earth's smell before the first rains,
however dark the darkness,
your presence is always enough to light up the moods,
every single time,
however long since the paths parted,
your chatty looks and the sidelong silences,
are sure enough
to make up for the missed eons,
however much the loneliness,
your prayers never fail to inspire enough,
to hope again
never miss to rekindle dreams enough,
to live again!

© sashikant mohanty

Every Parting Is A Little Death

every parting is all but death,
there's no difference between the two,
both crush you -
with one, it happens all at once,
the other,
it's a little, everyday

every parting is all but death,
they're no different,
one is a one-way ticket,
the other may well be the same,
but, we fool ourselves, it's not

every parting is all but death,
they're much the same,
one is a stranger,
the other as much,
but, often turned out in a mask

every parting is all but death,
both are mind-numbing,
one an eternal sleep,
the other sleep-starved,
holding onto a knot,
at the end of a tattered rope,
hoping someone may be missing!

every parting is all but death,
like the two sides of a coin,
one so abrupt, yet profound,
the other, slow yet painful

every parting is all but death,
both mean drifting away,
one shakes beliefs, instantly,
the other scares a bit every day



© sashikant mohanty

Waiting

 

i keep waiting.
waiting for your call,
waiting to be called back,
waiting to speak to you,
waiting to feel you,
waiting to be felt by you,
waiting to feel your feelings,
waiting to listen to you,
when you open up,
waiting for you to melt,
waiting to share my smiles
with you,
waiting to be the rock
for you to lean on,
waiting for you to shoulder me,
waiting to be the chest
for your head,
waiting to listen to your stories,
waiting to share my stories,
waiting to become a part
of your stories,
waiting to have you be a part
of my stories again,
waiting for us to become the stories,
waiting for you

i keep waiting,
waiting for the waves to roll over,
kiss the shores,
and be where they belong,
waiting to make you a part of me again,
waiting for you to let me back into yours,
waiting to merge into you.
waiting for you to feel life again,
waiting to let you feel
someone really loves you deep within,
waiting to share life,
waiting to live,
waiting to be loved,
waiting to be longed for,
waiting to be sought out,
waiting...
waiting for you

i keep waiting,
waiting to share a cup of ginger tea,
waiting to share the smell
of sooty evenings,
waiting to feel the earth's smell,
hinting at the rains,
waiting for the chill gusts of winds,
waiting for your fingers -
to run through my head,
waiting to be clutched,
waiting to be the toast of your smiles
waiting for you to be my sunshine,
waiting to be your evenings,
waiting to weave the dreams again,
waiting for the endless nights,
waiting for you

i keep waiting,
waiting for the long rides,
waiting for the medleys, 
waiting for the stories of the hills
and the beaches,
waiting to sit by the stream,
waiting for the long banters
on the silly nothings,
waiting for the loud silences,
the talkative glances,
waiting... waiting,
waiting to be waited for,
to be sought out and hugged,
waiting for your hand, again,
waiting to be told
come, I want to see you
waiting for the train,
to take me home, to where I belong
i keep waiting, for you



© sashikant mohanty

Many Years, Apart and Away

someone got to know
how deeply she was loved,
how terribly missed, every moment,
how she was the toast of tears,
how the prayers didn't stop,
even after the meetings did,
how dreams were sewn,
night after night,
how the memories had not blurred,
many years, apart and away

someone got to see
what a second life looks like,
how the creases on the face,
hadn't touched the heart,
how the concern slipped her guarded lips,
how smiles feigned, as the eyes turned red,
how the feelings haven't aged,
many years, apart and away

someone got to feel
how the silent banters haven't changed,
how the eyes still don't bat a lid,
until they turned moist,
and there was upwelling in the voice,
in the quiet of the dark,
as hope was wrapped,
and laid to rest, in the dark
like they'd happen then,
one trying to keep flame alive,
the other blowing it out,
many years, apart and away

someone kept muttering
you are my past,
yet never stopped turning to her past,
cried, leaning against his chest,
how tender, how beautiful my past!
and her heart chocked up,
rebelling her lips and her fate,
her heart still skipped a beat
the same way his heart beat for her,
she teared up still,
as she wished upon a shooting star,
when her heart ached at dusk,
many years, apart and away

someone protested
i've nothing to talk,
lying through the teeth,
fighting her conscience,
until her restless mind got stuck,
with a bunch of memory frames,
was it not the silly nothings,
that made the meetings so much fonder?
many years, apart and away



© sashikant mohanty

You Are An Ocean

you are like the ocean
fierce and frothy, 
yet calm and serene, deep within

you're like the ocean
your tides pound my heart,
but you send the waves rolling,
to soothe me too

you're like the ocean,
vast and endless,
the more i'm lost in you,
the more little i know,
the more i get close,
the farther you seem

you are the ocean,
of warmth,
sunshine,
and dreams, 
you draw me to you,
smear the salt dust
all over me,
you never come back
with me,
yet your eyes,
never fail to give away
the longing and the hope
to have me back
again!

© sashikant mohanty

Soul Strings

 

we met,
and, then it grew on us,
and, unmeeting was painful,
and eons passed,
as the tides and time
wore each out,
but couldn't touch
us,
and the soul
that we shared

we spoke,
and then it became a habit, 
until the lips turned dry,
unspeaking was like
the lamp blowing out;
we smiled,
and we wept,
leaning against the other,
until chokings stopped
and the eyes went dry,
and then we walked
apart,
unseeing the dreams,
we'd seen,
but nothing could shake
us
and the soul
that we shared

we sat across,
a thousand miles
apart,
lost in crowds
and in piles of thoughts,
quiet and calm,
as the waves pounded,
and not a single word,
slipped,
as a bead of tear
gushed from my heart,
and i swallowed
the lump,
the pillow tucked to my chest;
fighting
a different battle,
in a different world,
a drop oozed,
through the corner
of your eyes
as lost, in a quiet corner,
you gazed into the wall clock,
and toyed the thought 
of unpenning the lines,
and unwhispering
of the word we'd given,
but nothing mattered
to us ever,
for the soul string
that we shared

© sashikant mohanty

It's Not Required

the way you send in a caring line

is the very best,
i've ever known,
the choice of gifts,
anchored by the deep thoughts
let me meet a different you,
unseen and unexplored.

the feigning of anger,

makes the coming back

so much more touching,

not even once failing to choke me up,

they were very dear - each one,
but they are not required,

any more

how i waited for hours on end,
and even asked many times,

why you didn't call, 

why you don't share

how you sat up night after night.

i waited and withered, 

but lit the lamp every evening,
so your feet don't stumble,
so the dark doesn't deter

in case your steps turned my way,

hope not relenting, 

refusing to show signs

of wearing out, or of giving up,

but nothing moved you, 

nothing shook the resolve,

even if you also felt the rush to meet,

even if you had the urge to call
and ask how i was,

ask about the moon,
the smell of the breeze,
and the music of the train,

even if they were just excuses

to get to hear me, be a bit with me
and bring on the smile.

you took really long, love,

but don't start looking for me now,

you won't find me
any more

i'd open up my heart to you,

and all of me, 

my heart and my soul,

my eyes, my words, and my worlds,
my stories and my silences,

my smile, my tears, and my fears,

my love and my life,

my hope and my dreams,

my gods and even my prayers,

my feelings and beliefs,
you saw, and you felt them 

and even you also shared yours, 
a few though,
your prayer tugged my heartstrings,

but you took long,
really very long, my sweet

you don't have to share the rest, 

they won't be heard
any more

© sashikant mohanty