You Have Changed

you've changed,
your eyes don't leap with joy
when they meet the twinkle in mine
the way they would, then,
your voice doesn't echo my glee,
the way it would,
it doesn't ring music, nor, rain the longings,   
that'd set my heart racing,
come every evening;
i turn restless, still,
my breath still gallops shallow,
but it's to listen to your silence;
you've changed a lot,
you talk less,
but your silence speaks a lot more

you've changed
from the one, i knew, years back,
who let her heart speak,
wore an infectious smile,
and winked those talkative eyes;
you've changed a lot,
you lie through the teeth, these days
with words that sometimes hurt and cut,
but, in your quiet corner,
you pray hard, tear up,
sit up and write,
compile from life's torn sheets,
night after night,
to ring in,
that infectious smile, on me 

you've changed,
now from then,
you kept your smile growing,
and kept me going
the weeks, months, and years;
you were sweet,
caring and tender too,
but, you've changed a lot,
into a selfish you,
you're always there,
when the moist eyes are mine,
but cut me off,
when the blurry eyes are thine

you've changed a lot,
you always hide them
behind your eyes, shut tight,
it was the fond dreams then,
it's the dear tears and prayers, now
you'd feign an excuse to slip away, then
when you were weak,
and you knew, my heart longed for you,
you feign just the same, 
you turn away, even now
when i grow weak in my knee, 
and your heart skips a beat for me!




© sashikant mohanty

Undreaming

i chose a different road today,
laced with different trees,
many - all but scorched branches,
with hardly a leaf,
stiff they stood, and barely a whiff;
i'd set out to find another friend,
but when i paused, at every bend,
you, i couldn't unfriend

i tried turning a new leaf,
tuned in to different songs,
wrote, erased, rewrote the texts,
and didn't send, still
flipped through books,
but didn't make sense of a line,
pulled a sheet on hope, put it to sleep,
even avoided the street,
where the temples stood,
but as the prayers left my lips,
you, i couldn't unsee

i resolved for a different today, 
started with coffee,
and not the usual aroma tea,
made a few calls,
giggled and grinned,
but when my jaws were tired,
and a lull settled by my ear,
and when alone, i sank in my chair,
your soothing voice, i couldn't unhear

i'd sworn myself to stay away, 
to not listen to my heart's say,
but between the sips,
the books, and the songs
when the frames played and plunged, all day,
with eyes shut wide, as tired i lay,
when they well up, to the brim,
your smiles and our castles, i can't ever undream!




© sashikant mohanty

Endless Everything

i miss
the smiles,
the prayers,
the years of closeness
the tears of parting,
the fears of losing,
the looks that meant the world,
and, the endless everything

i miss
the warm embrace,
of the winter dawn,
the unsaid words lipping out,
the renewed hopes,
the lazy mornings,
the silly nothings,
the steaming tea,
the smell of the earthen cup,
the wiping with the dupatta,
the unkempt tresses,
the staying up, all night,
the countless sleepless nights,
and, the endless everything

I miss
the innocent banter,
under the starry skies,
the warmth in the chill,
the breeze, and the moon,
the being on the moon,
where dreams were fanned,
the castles built, filled with teddies,
the touch, that gives goosebumps still,
the words, that slipped,
the skipping of beats,
the racing of blood,
the longing to be hand-in-hand 
in the hills, the valleys, and the seas,
and, the endless everything

i miss
the smiles, the chirpy lips,
the gleaming eyes
where hopes were sown,
between the thoughts, and the silences,
of the wordless calls, 
of a fancy world,
of a dainty stream,
an idyllic slope between the hills
of the daisies and the tulips,
of woolly lambs nibbling the velvet, 
of the medley of the birds,
and the blooming of dreams,
under the sky, dressing up, 
of the angel's return to the nest,
of the return of the smiles,
the warmth, the nothings, the numbness,
and the endless everything!




© sashikant mohanty

So What

so what,
if you're not there,
when the lights went out,
when my heart sank, a bit low,
a bit more than the other days,
but then, you were always there
when my heart looked no further

so what,
if you're not there, today
when i couldn't take any more
when i'm at a breaking point,
but you were always there,
firm as a rock, 
when i grew weak in my knees,
and your prayers took over,
if it wasn't you

so what,
if you're not there, today
when my eyes welled up, so often;
where was i, all these years,
when you choked up
all by yourself, not letting me know,
lest i should rush to you?

so what,
if you're not there, today,
to wipe the tears, pat me strong
clasp my palm firm, and hug me tight,
i know, i didn't deserved them,
not then, when you were,
not now, when you aren't

so what,
you're not there, today,
when a tired heart awaits a caring another
when a worn head looks for a firm shoulder,
my heart not knowing, who you are
the one who prays,
stronger than anyone ever,
or, the one who's kept the scars gaping, 
forever

so what
you're not here, today,
when my eyes are tired,
but sleep eludes
when your heart has melted
but flesh unsure,
when your heart longs
for the world of dreams,
but the sole wanders on quicksand,
away from the soul




© sashikant mohanty

Mother's Day

a mother isn't always
the one who bears a child,
for the nine months,
a mother isn't only the one
who feeds and nurses her child,
a mother isn't just the one
who raises only her own blood

a mother is also born 
when care oozes for someone,
you had never met, may never after,
for a stranger,
for the one who's not related,
when her heart bleeds and beats
for the distant, beyond the close,
when she pays the bills
of the unknown,
prepares their fond dishes,
risks her safety,
so they're safe,
and calls them "kids"

a mother is also born
when she stays up, tears up,
at the hearing
of someone's pain,
brushing aside
her own wounds,
ignoring her own pains,
fighting her own sleep,
risking her own health

to the mother
who is born every day,
whose heart oozes
with love, and life,
concerns, fears and tears
for others, before hers
to the one who none calls "maa",
and yet is no less than the best of mothers,
every day is mother's day

to the mother out there,
whose heart bleeds
and beats for the kids,
not thinking, even for a moment
if the blood is hers,
to the best mother ever,
every day is a mother's day,
here's wishing you,
happy mother's day!



© sashikant mohanty

Never Enough

however many, the number of births,
to love you, they'll never be enough,
however long we be together,
it's sure never going to be enough,
however long those idyllic evenings,
for our silly nothings, they're never going to be enough;
however exotic the different teas, or coffee,
they're never enough to match the smell
of rusk, ginger tea, and you,
however many times we speak,
the cravings are never enough
for one more time

however loud the grins and giggles
with people around,
they're never enough to touch my heart
the way your quiet smiles do,
however many the days
since that last time,
one call asking "any plan of food?"
suddenly makes you feel hungry,
however much the chill,
one welcoming hug is warm enough
to outlive any winter

however long the gaps
since the last time,
one call is good enough to cast a spell,
like the earth's smell before the first rains,
however dark the darkness,
your presence is always enough to light up the moods,
every single time,
however long since the paths parted,
your chatty looks and the sidelong silences,
are sure enough
to make up for the missed eons,
however much the loneliness,
your prayers never fail to inspire enough,
to hope again
never miss to rekindle dreams enough,
to live again!

© sashikant mohanty

Every Parting Is A Little Death

every parting is all but death,
there's no difference between the two,
both crush you -
with one, it happens all at once,
the other,
it's a little, everyday

every parting is all but death,
they're no different,
one is a one-way ticket,
the other may well be the same,
but, we fool ourselves, it's not

every parting is all but death,
they're much the same,
one is a stranger,
the other as much,
but, often turned out in a mask

every parting is all but death,
both are mind-numbing,
one an eternal sleep,
the other sleep-starved,
holding onto a knot,
at the end of a tattered rope,
hoping someone may be missing!

every parting is all but death,
like the two sides of a coin,
one so abrupt, yet profound,
the other, slow yet painful

every parting is all but death,
both mean drifting away,
one shakes beliefs, instantly,
the other scares a bit every day



© sashikant mohanty