Memory Clock Has Stopped Ticking

The Memory Clock Has Stopped Ticking.

The missing is here to stay,

At your desk, 

Tucked away among heaps of books 

Under the watch of your mother, 

Weaving magic with numbers and problems.

Over the phone,

The unstoppable banter 

The boundless reserves of energy, 

The nasal tone lending an ethereal sweetness.

The bed, 

Where you'd just slow down, 

At best, took a break, maybe rested a bit

But would never slip 

Into a deep slumber. 

The bike,

That's the best match for your hunger, 

Your companion, 

Almost a part of you, it seemed

They changed pace, you never!

The farm, and the fields 

Meant a melodious lullaby, one day, 

A loved one's lap, the other, 

Raised a million questions -

How far could you go for them,

Had they robbed your heart, 

With their surreal charm! 

The memory clock has stopped ticking.

The voice that ushered in happiness, 

The prayers that heralded daylight,

The lessons on haves and have-nots, 

The tales that rendered goosebumps

The smile that mirrors you, 

And infectious, too

The tears that you sealed deftly from us all.

The art of dissent, 

Where silence hurt more than the words.

The unnumbered feelings

That surround, and follow me all the time.

Tell me, Bapa, 

Do you feel the same,

Do the memories ring in a smile,

Do your eyes well up there, with memories

The way they do here! 

© Sashikant Mohanty

How Could You Leave Me Alone?

You felt my pain,
When I stumbled, and fell,
You laid a road, so I don't trip again.
Where's your concern today?
Did you think even for a moment,
What'd happen to me
When you chased your passion -
Sped off to the lure of the fields,
To the smell of our farms,
To the call of your soul, your Ma,
Without me.

You felt the pain I went through,
As I fell to the ground,
As your clutch let go of mine for a moment.
It's been a while,
A long endless moment,
How can you not feel my pain now,
Devoid of the firm grip of your strong hands?

How can you let go of me?
How could you do this to me,
When I needed you the most,
When I need you more than ever,
When I begged the heavens?
How could you leave me alone,
When I promised to make peace with your unworded rebukes!



© Sashikant Mohanty

Today's Different

Today was different
I didn't have to call you on my way to the airport,
I was deprived of your silent wish,
It's different,
'Cause I don't have to call to speak to you,
You're around, always around
With me, everywhere I go,
To make up for the visits I craved for,
Which you didn't!

Today is different.
Who do the kids run up to
Where do they get the grand freedom
To fiddle with your phone,
Who'll feed them the crispy peanuts,
That was an excuse to snuggle with you,
Who will relish plucking them fresh guavas,
Who will tell them the countless stories,
From the chest of the journeys you lived,
The tonga ride of Guwahati,
The swimming with the relief bags,
Across the swelling rivers of Sirlo,
The tricks and puzzles with numbers
The quiz of grandparents' names, and their stories
Who will giggle and laugh, who will crave for them
The way you would, Bapa!

Today's different.
The table is orphaned, the bed feels cold,
The phone has stopped ringing,
But you're all over,
With the beaming smile,
Brimming with love, and blessings,
Today's different, without you around
Our eyes turn moist at times,
Maybe a bit too often,
Yet force a smile we owe you back!

© Sashikant Mohanty

Come Back, Bapa

You're the earliest to wake up,
Everyday,
Untiring, unrelenting of the habit,
You've been asleep for long,
Wake up Bapa,
Wake up!

The flowers are eagerly waiting for your plucking,
The plants to be watered,
Your manuscripts are rudderless,
The pages of your books,
Come into life, flipping without the gusts
They're missing your smell, your touch Bapa
Wake up!

Bou misses your calls,
She's waiting for your return,
For the habit of pampering you with horlicks,
Tending to your headaches,
The wordless gestures that she figured out
Each chord, every single nudge,
The sight that reminds,
Marriages are meant for old age, Bapa.
Wake up!

When the kids pose tough questions,
Who do I turn to, Bapa?
Who do I call when I have a heavy heart,
Where do I go to, to share those little nothings,
That only you understand,
To whose embrace do I come home, Bapa?
Wake up!

I envy the calm and the smile
On you,
The way you have lived and led through
Trying moments,
With a stoic silence,
Today there's a smile, a quiet, an unshaken calm,
But I can't stand it, Bapa
What do I tell Bou today, when she inquires
About your health?
For her sake, one more time,
Come back, Bapa!



© Sashikant Mohanty