Are you God?

i place trust in god,
so do i, in you

that he takes time to answer,
doesn't mean
he's not listening,
so with you

he seems unmoved by prayers,
that moment,
or so we sometimes feel,
so are you

i believe in his grace
and kindness
but can't understand
why he leaves many out, in the cold;
i know your unfathomed concern,
care, and grace, as well
but wonder
why you still leave me alone

he's a stone,
and still invokes faith,
inspires hope,
so do you

he makes me impatient,
restless and choke up,
before finally showing up,
I'm restless,
but am clinging on to hope -
when will you?



© sashikant mohanty

Be Sure, I'm One

when you set your sight on the next goal,
and there are a hundred of them,
rooting for you,
be sure i'm one.

when you're under the weather,
and there's family praying for you,
be sure,
somewhere afar, i'm one, too

when you're by yourself,
rummaging through the messages,
and a line of tears is unstoppable,
you wondered if anyone truly understood,
and the thought crossed who to count on,
be sure, I'm certainly one

if someone is gasping for breath,
maybe knows he's on the home stretch,
and still praying for you,
be sure, I'm the one

if the phone stops ringing,
and there's none around,
to talk those silly nothings,
be sure, I am gone



© sashikant mohanty

You Are My Dream

you are a dream,
that rolls in, in my sleep,
and often, even with my eyes open,
you are a guest for moments,
and fade away quietly,
just as gently as you came

you are a dream:
every time you've visited,
it's been just moments,
they ring in hope, smiles, and tears
and then you're gone,
why do you do this?
why leave me longing and craving,
asking for more?

you are a dream:
i've rehearsed our songs, for tonight,
those i used to hum, and you'd blush,
and those lines, you'd shyly sing,,
the gifts are waiting,
the teddy, with a red-heart perched on the velvet,
and the dark chocolate bars, too
why does my heart race so fast, 
does yours skip a beat too, tonight?

you are a dream,
i long for, so badly, tonight,
hope's sitting on my eyes,
don't play hide-and-seek,
any more, my sweet,
i'm worn and done,
my smile's wrinkled, and eyes tired, too,
the lines etched deep,
as if it's time to sleep
come home, back to our nest, my dream
and don't, please, don't leave tonight!



© sashikant mohanty

Dreams Don't Fade

when my heart chokes up,
and eyes turn misty,
when i beg to see you again,
and don't see for days,
and fancy you yearning too,
and, wonder if i'm in your thoughts,
a ray of smile still lights up,
in the corner of my lips,
even if my thoughts
don't keep you up,
it's still about me

whatever you say,
dreams don't fade

sometimes, as i wonder
if the dreams we weaved
still keep you awake,
as they don't let me sleep,
and many kindle many more,
i know, one thing's for sure,
the only dreams you saw
were the ones with me

however much you deny, baby
dreams don't fade

when your thought tugs
at my heartstrings,
and the wait is endless,
and the days run into weeks,
and the months into years,
it's painful, here
it tears apart, there too.
how i wish
you don't miss us,
i will pull it off, somehow,
not getting to see your smiles,
or, not hearing your voice
for days,
but you?
i can't not be around,
when you're in tears 
without me!

your heart may not tell mine again, sweet,
but, dreams don't ever fade


© sashikant mohanty

I Cry

sometimes
i cry when i'm lonely,
sometimes, i go looking for solitude,
to cry,
sometimes, the tears force their way
when i'm lost in the crowds, yet alone,
at others, i make peace with -
that's how it's meant to be

sometimes it's the loneliness,
that makes me feel blue,
more often, it's the despair
that i couldn't fill your void,
when you stood alone,
that makes my eyes well up

sometimes, i wonder
why god penned it this way,
but then, i wonder,
who to plead with -
when my god is you

sometimes
i choke up when i'm with you,
often, i have a lump in throat
just to be with you,
sometimes, i well up feeling your grace
at others,
it's asking for your grace
sometimes,
it's the flashes from memories,
that i cry my eyes out,
many times,
it's the undying desire to create
a few more

sometimes,
it's your concern and fondness
escaping the guarded lips
that moves me to tears,
but at other times,
it's the endless wait
for a few more golden words

sometimes,
i wish to be in your arms
to let go of the bottled up feelings,
but, most often,
i dream of you in mine,
as you melt, one day,
hopefully soon
and let me seal the smile
that i'm used to every day,
in my dreams!





© sashikant mohanty

Seventh Heaven

the "come over!" 
was electric,
and left me frozen, for a second.
was i seeing a dream again,
like the ones over the years?

i cycled down,
and she made it too,
my heart skipped a beat
at seeing her,
i pinched myself -
was this for real?
the curling up of lips,
escaping through the rim of her mask,
but as she took it off,
she couldn't conceal further
the joy, disbelief and the angst, all writ large
as her heart leaped out,
the first time
since that misty morning,
many novembers back.
what will you have?
didn't sound sweeter in many years

nothing has changed
me choking up with bliss,
she struggling with hers,
feigning the smile,
lipping out a few words,
many unsaid,
how have you been?
good
you've gone down,
and you haven't changed a bit

nothing has changed,
the memories kept rolling,
as new were created,
she wore a smile,
her gaze set on mine,
until the winter breeze
blew the hair over her face
and a line of tears oozed
from the corner of her eyes,
a few words slipped
how beautiful, the december nights,
the train ride,
the mirch masala dinners
is the deity still there?
hope you sleep well now
the quiet concern over the blood pressure,
and for those that are no more

it was a dream
felt like being in seventh heaven
that hour was a moment,
crying and holding back,
as time flew by
that november evening,
on mahanadi banks,
we parted once more,
took different paths,
unsure when we'd make it again,
me and my loneliness!




© sashikant mohanty

My Heart

every evening is the same,
i look for my heart,
a little here,
and a little out there,
sometimes feeling lost,
at others, a lot certain,
it beat for me, then
i know it beats for me now, too
the little birdie tells me so

last evening,
as the winter breeze
numbed my face,
and the numbness grew as the evening grew,
it reminded of the numbness,
of the december skies,
when my heart'd sing for me,
it bled for me,
it raced for me,
it choked up, and it teared up 
for me.
as the dew settled on my eyes,
or, was it the dew within?
i know,
somewhere deep down there,
wherever you are, my heart,
you'd still be humming, 
praying and craving,
under a november sky

this evening,
i found my heart,
between the smiles and the tears,
between hope and despair,
between the soaked pillows
and the moist pallus,
hid neatly from everyone,
in the dark of the night,
between the pages of her diary flapping,
and my unmissable clock ticking



© sashikant mohanty

Tell Me Something

tell me, something
why my heart misses a beat,
to see you,
feel your voice, again
and hear how it's been since the last time,
many moons back,
what a long winter,
i can't wait any longer,
can you?

tell me something,
why the urge is so vivid,
to run up the stairs, tiptoeing,
bolt the door behind us,
sit and let the hearts pace down,
keep gazing at each other,
and notice nothing's changed,
as we sip the ginger tea,
your asking if feels like then,
my nod and the smile giving it away
as i wonder,
where is the cane chair,
and the deities?

tell me something, baby,
don't you want to listen to my voice, too,
see how i look,
the salt-and-pepper hair,
keep watching the smiles,
watch the tears roll,
tease me rondu,
as you tear up yourself,
and complain,
why i took so long again!

tell me something,
how long this silence,
i keep saying your silence speaks a lot,
but today -
i need your voice

© sashikant mohanty

My Dream

 

you were my dream,
you were my hope, and my smiles,
you were my tears too
as we wept in the other's arms, 
and you let me see a new you, 
that cracked and craved,
how i jumped on the next train,
when you'd wished to see me,
how we weaved a hundred dreams
how time flew between those dreams

you are the dream,
i see with eyes wide shut, 
there was never a moment,
that didn't have your thoughts writ on it,
there hasn't been a day,
you were not missed,
there isn't an evening
I've lived since

you'll be my dream forever, sweet,
you are the one, i look for
everywhere, 
waiting at the window,
leaning against the balcony rails,
gazing into the empty sun-soaked streets, 
and scanning the crowds at sundown,
how i fancy, 
the universe conspiring,
for the love birds to unite again,
for you to come,
like i did, then,
when you had asked to see

how i fancy my best dream yet,
to meet my dream, one day,
so we could weave dreams again,
and make up for the dreams,
we couldn't live!



© sashikant mohanty

Under the November skies

it's a special journey, tonight,
a homecoming,
as my heart longs to unite with its soul,
and my eyes seek rest,
my breath craves to slow down
and, melt in yours

the moon was shy tonight,
and, the evening sky jogged my memory
can't say what lit up
the embers of the past,
whether it was
the moon and the polestar together,
or, the smiles from many winters back

it's a special journey tonight,
under the november skies,
when the thoughts rang in more,
and the quiet spoke volumes
when my heart found another,
that pounded for it,
so what if you never owned up to it!



© sashikant mohanty

The Small Things

 

it started with small things,
the short calls,
the stealing of glances,
the friendly small talk,
the short walks,
down the dew-soaked alleys
the light gusts of breeze,
the measured smiles,
the few words,
and the long silences

and then -
the impatience grew,
waiting for the doorbell to ring,
and the hearts melted,
the banter went on and on,
from books to paddy fields, to lilies,
and the moon,
and when they ran out of breath,
the looks filled the silences
and she nibbled at the starched dupatta
unaware of the tides
that'd started pounding in his heart

spring ushered in life,
and added spring to their feet
her tea poured warmth into lives,
and the warmth outlived the tea,
the catch-ups grew long,
the nights, longer
he, wandering among his stars,
she, weaving her dreams

it's back to the small things, again
the flashes of memory,
of the lips curling up into a smile,
many moons back,
the small sips of chaas,
and the looks locked, barely apart,
the little gifts of moments,
of the few words,
and then the side glances took over,
and silence was never louder!

it started with the small things,
it's back to small things again
will we become small stories, one day,
or, will we merge again as tiny stars?



© sashikant mohanty

Tomorrow May Be Too Late

be gentle and caring

like the evening skies

don't hurt the one who cares,
not the one who doesn't, either

don't hold back I love you for tomorrow,

don't ever think it's fine,

to not say sorry,

no, it's not ok;

show some love, 

step into the other's shoes,
feel the feelings, and heal a few,

be nice and cheerful,

reach out today,

tomorrow may be too late

be gentle and calm

like the unrelenting stream,

strong, yet enduring, like the lofty hills,

but don't be rude

and please, never be unkind,
it pierces through the heart,

you don't need to cook up a tale

to get off a friend's calls,

(they know, and yet are friends,)

and, do return the call, 

you may be the only one -
he chose to share;

a thank you

can make someone's day,

a warm hug

could bring someone back 

from the brink,

do it today,

tomorrow could be too late

be gentle and calm,

like the evening breeze,

don't stick

to just the four walls,

be there for your friends,

not just those that show they are,

but also the real ones  who truly care,

make time to call, 

you don't need a reason to;

don't be unkind, untrue, 

and don't be cold

have a soul, 

you have to face the mirror, 

one day,

you have to sleep with yourself, 

every night,

wake up,  my dear

be gentle and warm,

now,

tomorrow will be too late!

 © sashikant mohanty

Be Sure, I Will be There

deep, in the dark of the unlit room,
dark, in the depths of the silent nights,
when you look out of your window,
you'll find a lonely lamp,
perched in the sky,
as if waiting for you,
you'll likely meet the misty breeze,
and if you find none waiting,
you can be sure, i would be

in the quiet of your room,
when you tucked your face
into the pillow,
or when sleep is elusive,
and the only noise you hear
is the ticking of the clock,
every tick drawing you apart,
a tad farther,
and if you're too lost to hear them,
you just can't miss the beat of a heart
which has never missed a beat,
not even once,
for you!


© sashikant mohanty

It's True

it's true, 
the only time i loved you, for being you
was when we met the first time.
you turned me selfish, since
it's not about you, anymore
but a lot about what you mean to me!

it's true,
i was blank, blurry,
when i was on my way, the first time,
but, it's also true,
hope had struck roots, when it was time to part

it's strange,
what two hours together could do to me,
i was already missing,
as my heavy steps refused to leave,
did my heart find it's home? and yours?

it's also true,
the way you make me feel hasn't changed a bit,
so what, if the place we meet
has always been my dreams!


© sashikant mohanty

A Beautiful Accident

that saturday afternoon
was different, or was it difficult?
each too lonely to bide time,
and a 'let's meet' changed lives forever,
love found ways to make it to their hearts,
the tea, the windy balcony,
and the warm spring -
and that was just the beginning

the closeness grew,
and the wild sparks flew,
the smiles changed,
the words became unguarded,
the eyes took over,
and touch became less uncomfortable,
accidents happen in life
but this one was just too welcome

at the candlelight dinners,
time would fly,
tucked away at the quiet corner table,
as if that had become a fixture
in their lives,
the rides in the evenings
kindled many a light
and the tides kept them up,
all night,
the teddies made special days,
even more,
until the train journeys seeped in,
the painful partings,
and the charged-up meetings
the reluctant goodbyes,
and the teary tight hugs,
they gave heartaches,
and the sweet pains,
but their lives were twinned,
was it forever?
under the watch of december skies

the meetings spaced out,
from days, months, to years
but the memories etched deeper.
while life unfolded,
waned, and waxed
the distance only watered hope,
love has never ebbed, hope never will,
as the memories 've grown fonder,
and when saturdays are lonely,
one thing's for sure,
accidents do happen in life,
but this one, they look forward to,
all over again!

© sashikant mohanty

Don't Fall In Love!

don't fall in love,
it's tough,
to wait, those hours, that don't pass
the weeks, sometimes months,
even years.
it tears you apart -
the fears, the frustrations,
the trials, and the anxieties,
the cravings, and the angst.

don't fall in love, ever,
they say it's divine,
but the road is not,
with falls so hard to get up from,
and the scars
that even a lifetime can't heal.

yes, i often fancy you missing us,
don't love me so much,
i can't afford to see you lost,
behind the dark circles,
don't fall in love with me,
please,
i just can't see you tear up,
when i'm gone!

© sashikant mohanty

The Rainbow

as the sun's rays kissed the raindrops,
a miracle took shape, in moments,
the heavens melted, making way
for the spray of colors
to come alive.

she blushed, as he smiled,
and they got the memory frames flashing,
when your glances would meet mine,
the blush there,
and the blood racing here!

my life is all but moments,
moments of smiles,
of glances, of hums, and of silences,
bliss in moments like a rainbow,
can you not come oftener,
stay longer?

she lit up hopes and 
breathed life into memories,
the way you would,
but she faded too soon
in moments
leaving me to myself,
longing, again
the way you would!

© sashikant mohanty

कभी ख्वाबों में, कभी ख्यालों में

 

कभी ख्वाबों में मिलें तो, कभी खयालौं में

कभी जलते हुए दीयों मे।

कभी रोते‌ दिल को सुकून देने चली आती हो तो,

कभी बीते लम्हों मे मुस्कान छा जाने।

कभी आंखों में नमी बनके समा जातेे हो तो,

कभी जिंदगी की राहों में ठहर । 

कभी सुलझे हुए दिल को उलझाने आ जाती हो तो, 

कभी सोए अरमानौं को जगाने।

कौन हो तुम, कभी तन्हाइयों में दिख जाते हो तो 

कभी सन्नाटा में भी ढूंढ लेती हो।

अब आदत ही बन चुकी हो जो,

ऐसे अकेले में बस छोड़ के न जाया करो!

© शशिकांत महाॅन्ती

Different Worlds

 

it sounded like gusts of wind, 

it felt like the sound of the waves,

my limbs shook with the chill,

you had goosebumps, too,

and our hearts leaped with joy,

but in different worlds!

the waves crashed on

the shores,

they wiped them clean, 

of the stories etched there,

and erased

many an unborn dream,

their hearts bled again,

but in different worlds!

the shores stood weak,
broken and dreamless,

but every time the tide comes racing,

even the beach knows she'd have to leave,

she inspires hope and love, 

my heart leaps with joy again,

your eyes light up too, 

the tide rekindles a dream again,

there and here,

but in different ways!

© sashikant mohanty

The Void

the road back home

didn't seem long, anymore

after seeing the man 

gathering himself 

preparing for 

the long journey ahead.

the tears of parting

didn't matter,

after meeting the man

who couldn't even meet

his loved one,

one last time.

the eyes were red

head sunk between hands

and weak knees

as his lips dried up,

as if deprived of speech

the void was deep,

the wound still fresh,

but today it feels numb

as a sister waits 

for her brother's return

a wife prays for her husband, 

to come back to their son.  

as my eyes close tonight,

my lips have dried up,

my heart heavy

don't, oh lord

please don't 

let anyone 

deal with void again!

 © sashikant mohanty 

Every Picture Has A Story

every picture has a story,

few pages prior, 

the excitement and the anxiety 

that preceded,

and the many days that followed,

the joys they left, 

and the cold sweat, sometimes,

and you've left your footprints 

in my diary of memories!

every smile has a story,

the warmth behind,

and the endless feelings,

the unexpressed,

the unexplored corners of heart

the pain, the solitude behind

the joy that said a little,

but hid many a thought,

and you've left your footprints

on my wet sands of memories!

every pearl

also has a story,

the deep beginnings,

the welling up,

the vastness of emotions,

and the lava of endings.

as i scan through 

the many blank pages

there are only a few blurred lines,

and a few unstrung words,  

as you wiped the tears,

there and here,

your lips curled up into a smile,

it was the same here,

it's the same here, still,

and you've left your footprints

in my heart, etched forever!

© sashikant mohanty

Hope Didn't Give Up

the rafts drew close,

as the winds hammered,

they swayed,

and rolled,

tossed side to side,

and hope kept gasping,

as they tilted and brushed,

almost, but not there yet,

but hope didn't give up!

they felt like home,

and their hearts pounded loud,

louder as they inched closer,

raising hopes,

breaths got shallower,

and then one strong wind,

was all it took,

to throw them out of reach,

they couldn't take their eyes off,

each other,

as a thick cloud of fog

came down,

and played a cruel game,

even as dreams seemed

to come to life,

but hope didn't give up!

as they floated on,

tossed in the choppy seas,

nothing seemed to matter,

where drifting apart, or towards,

meant no different

the distance was a numb feeling,

time stood still,

and still, they gazed

at the golden moon,

light in their hearts

and a smile on their lips,

the storms do come

yet the warmth after doesn't,

but hope didn't give up!

© sashikant mohanty

The Moon Dance

let's go out there,

watch the moon dance,

embrace the march breeze,

let your toes spring into a hop

don't hold back, today

the stars are winking, again

why exist, when you can live!

let's go out there

sit by the half soaked stones,

let the water kiss your feet,

feel the music it weaves

under your feet,

as the river burbles,

over the pebbles,

and a bit of you,

why exist, when you can live!

go, let your hair down

be a child again,

wear that carefree smile, 

once more,

let the naughty look

grow on you

let the dimples glow, 

and the madness grow

let the pallu loose,

to flap against my face,

in the breeze,

let's be a bit of us,

the spring is here again

why exist, when you can live!

© sashikant mohanty

The Love For Darkness

somewhere, the darkness of nights

and i drew close,
maybe both are used to waiting,
for the beauty of the full moon!

i love our meetings,
but the partings,
were just as beautiful
for the passion i'd see in you.

i love the touch of the petals,
maybe a semblance of you
i even fall for the thorns,
for the blood roses they remind me of!

how i long for winters,
in spite of the bone chilling cold,
for the troves of smiles,

the playful teeth chattering,
the windy mornings, the hot canteen tea,
and the dream 

of a timeless embrace, once again!



© sashikant mohanty

Misty Mornings

as the moon sank

below the edges of the sky,

the stars faded, one by one,

the skies paved the way 

for another dawn,

the mist wiped up, clean

the central court,

the air bore a slight nip,

the dampness

reminding of the smoke,

and the smell of earth,

from memories, 

misty mornings, misty thoughts,

and sipping of the piping hot tea 

from clay cups.

as i jogged my memory,

i couldn't tell if the moistness

was of the misty morning,

or, of my eyes!

the gentle rays heralded

the change of guard 

the swift ascent of the sun

from behind the towers,

shaking up the lazy dwelling,

and ringing in warmth 

tearing through the mist,

as the gossips grew louder,

as the early risers poured in,

elders chanting bhajans,

another few walked, and talked,

few savoring vividh bharati songs,

a smile lit up their eyes,

as lit up hope in every heart,

with one more day,

as the sun rose, once again

over a misty morning,

to reclaim the sky!

© sashikant mohanty 

Spring Has Arrived

the lips curled up

into a smile,

the dimples forcing

through the creases

on her face,

the joy

unable to hide the tears

that squeezed

through the corner

of the eyes.

as the eyes met

and the hearts melted,

a waft of breeze swept

between them,

there was an excitement,

punctuated by disbelief,

she pinched herself,

to be sure it's not a dream.

so what, 

if neither uttered a word,

they still spoke

for long,

with unworded looks,

unhindered joy,

and unfathomed thoughts -

that only hearts can feel!

spring has come, finally,

after a long winter!

© sashikant mohanty

Behind The Smiles

behind your smiles, 

i also noticed 

how deep 

you burned,

to keep alive, 

that shine!

you gazed at the twinkle 

in my eyes, 

nest to a hundred dreams.

tell me my sweet,

did you also see

how deep the fire, 

that kept nursing,

my warmth for you!

© sashikant mohanty