If Loving Is Tough

if loving is tough,
don't deprive me of the corner
in your thoughts,
don't deprive of the home,
in your heart,
don't crush the nest of twigs,
that i had built,
only to ring in warmth in your life,
don't distance me
so much,
that i'm forced to give up on life,
before life gives up
on me

if loving is tough,
spare me of the illusions,
being the chosen one,
of the tender feelings,
you sow in me,
and you once saw in me,
of the tears and smiles,
that makes my heart bleed,
spare me of the way you feed
my dreams, my hopes,
and me

if loving is tough,
don't, at least, hate so much,
that your wishes feel like curses,
that living doesn't get a chance,
in my world of existing,
that desire to live and be loved,
fades away from that moment on,
every moment, every day
from me

if loving is tough,
why not snap the umbilical cord,
that you said, once bonded us?
can you let go of the soul strings,
of our shared soul,
can you let go of
the smiles we shared,
and of the shared memories,
can you ever let go
of your prayers for me,
again?
can you let go of the thoughtful acts,
and of my happiness,
of god who brought us back
together,
and got our paths to cross,
can you stop believing in my prayers,
that you once believed deeply,
can you let go
of my longing eyes,
again?
if loving is tough
why is it that you just can't let go
of me?






© sashikant mohanty

You're The Only One

you're the first one
the only one
to cross my mind
when the lights go out, here,
and, the dark clouds pull up,
the gusty storms wreak havoc,
swaying the trees,
the winds gushing through
my balcony grills,
and,
when the sky starts pouring,
as if missing
someone too dear, too far,
clenching my heart and promising,
you're still the first one i am missing,
the only one,
i'm thinking of,
how safe would you be
without me

you're the first one,
the only one
to latch on to my mind,
all night,
when sleep plays hide and seek,
and everything else around is chill,
and, the wind creeps
through the gaps in the doors,
and crashes against the window panes,
and,
the quilt fails
to keep me warm,
there's a strong craving,
that oozes from somewhere
deep down,
i can't say for sure,
if they're memories or dreams,
or my fleeting thoughts,
but whenever everything is still,
and chill, and lonely,
and i feel my heart is slowing down,
when my heart is sinking,
and my body's turning chill,
and the ticking of the clock
is loud,
as if the only sound you could hear,
you're the first one i'm longing for,
to be wrapped around,
to make me feel warm again,
you're the only one
i'm thinking of,
fading and sinking,
a thought flashes in my flickering senses,
how safe would you be
when i'll be gone!




© sashikant mohanty