You Soak My Heart

 

every time,
i didn't give in to the urge,
to call you,
a hundred thoughts clashed and crashed,
in my head,
and a thousand tides pounded my heart

if i penned down all the stories,
we couldn't shoulder,
over the missed years -
of the whispers in the dark,
and the murmurs of the heart,
of the unwritten letters,
and of the unspoken words,
of the gazing into the unlit skies,
fancying catching you gazing at them,
fancying you holding me in your gaze,
and,
and nursing the unnumbered dreams -
the books are sure to make
even the mountains shy

every moment,
you've been afar,
and i don't make it to speak,
is one more time i die,
and your gritty silence,
is like one more shovel of earth

every time,
i have waited,
my eyes watering hope,
my heart filled with longing,
it's been tryingly long, 
and, when you do come back, 
the words heart-wrenching, at times,
and, heartwarming, on the others:
whichever,
but you've never failed even once
to soak my heart!



© sashikant mohanty

I'm Scared

i'm scared,
of opening up my heart, 
lest that should hurt,
i'm scared of your resolve,
when there's no voice at the other end,
i'm scared of losing you, again,
i'm scared of loneliness,
and of your silence

i'm scared, very scared,
of not getting to hear 
your caring words again,
i'm scared of the long evenings,
lull without your voice,
i'm scared of turning back to life,
where living stops,
and existing starts, again
i'm scared of exiting the world,
without you around,
i'm scared of the dark,
where i speak
and you're not around to listen to those nothings
I'm scared also of the dusks,
when you wait quietly, and wane off
and not let me have a whiff of it 

i'm scared, today
of your scars, that I couldn't heal
i'm scared of dying,
and leaving you behind
for there were many tender thoughts,
that've outlived the pains,
i'm scared of your sinking,
behind those layers,
i'm scared of the tears,
behind the dark of the nights
i'm scared of your love,
as i have nothing left to offer

now that you've become a habit
can't you not leave me alone tonight?



© sashikant mohanty

I Too Have A Dream

i too have a dream,
i also kept waiting,
and it was long, very long,
waiting to be pampered, by you,
to be with you,
for you to take me out, again,
roam in delhi's streets,
be out there in the seas and the hills,
your hand clasping mine,
be my warmth in the biting cold,
when my stoles give up,
be the gleam of sunshine, across the clouds
when do i have you again,
just to be with me?

i too haven't stopped dreaming,
i keep tossing and turning all night,
smiling and tearing up,
wishing your fingers to run through my hair,
missing the humming and singing,
missing your talkative eyes,
the teddy's tired, yet chirpy when it whispers
"i love you"
when i hold it tight to my chest,
bringing back the memories
of those long evenings, many moons back,
making me crave, a lot,
the pains are deep, but the memories fond.
when do i have you again,
to be lost again in your eyes,
just to lean on you,
or, have a chest for my heavy head?

i too haven't stopped dreaming:,
so what if sleep was elusive.
the tea hasn't felt the same,
since you left,
my evenings have become drab,
the train journeys just too boring,
even the birds' songs and trills
are no longer amusing.
why did you leave
when our dreams had just taken wings,
why didn't you ask even once!
when can you take me home again,
back to your world, and our dreams,
when are you here next,
for me to lose again
in your tight embrace?



© sashikant mohanty

Stranger

 

you may never ask me over
for tea, again,
you may not offer a second serve
of your lip-smacking biryani,
you may not let your pallu
wipe my tears,
you may never hold my hand
tightly,
and not let go, again,
you may not let me
lean against your shoulders,
or have your tired head
rest on my chest,
but don't stop me
from touching my dreams,
a tad bit every day

you may not want to tell me
how much my presence
meant to you,
you may not wait for my calls,
any more,
you may not ask
if i had my medicines,
you may not ask
how i spent those years,
or let me know
how tough they were there,
you may not know
if i slept at all,
and not tell,
how your nights never ended,
and how you kept up all night,
you don't know
how deeply you were missed,
nor, will i ever hear
how badly i was either,
but don't deprive me
of the few moments of life,
of the doting,
subtle fondness and caring,
that i missed all these years,
and that has now become a habit
over the last few evenings,
don't deprive yourself
of the warmth,
so what if you soak in it,
quietly,
hugging your pillow,
warm with tears,
a little bit, every night

we may not get
to meet again,
though i dream your craving to,
maybe you silently pray for, as well,
you may not
rush to see me ever,
not even when i am not around,
to be pained by that,
but don't call me a stranger,
for there were times, 
when the stranger
meant hope and sunshine,
for even now,
the stranger
still dies to see you smile,
for, his heart has always
beat just for you,
for, even your heart skips
a beat for him, even now
for strangers sometimes
leave footprints on the sands
that tides and time fail to wash away,
for strangers sometimes
touch your soul,
in ways that loved ones do not!



© sashikant mohanty