I'm Scared

i'm scared,
of opening up my heart, 
lest that should hurt,
i'm scared of your resolve,
when there's no voice at the other end,
i'm scared of losing you, again,
i'm scared of loneliness,
and of your silence

i'm scared, very scared,
of not getting to hear 
your caring words again,
i'm scared of the long evenings,
lull without your voice,
i'm scared of turning back to life,
where living stops,
and existing starts, again
i'm scared of exiting the world,
without you around,
i'm scared of the dark,
where i speak
and you're not around to listen to those nothings
I'm scared also of the dusks,
when you wait quietly, and wane off
and not let me have a whiff of it 

i'm scared, today
of your scars, that I couldn't heal
i'm scared of dying,
and leaving you behind
for there were many tender thoughts,
that've outlived the pains,
i'm scared of your sinking,
behind those layers,
i'm scared of the tears,
behind the dark of the nights
i'm scared of your love,
as i have nothing left to offer

now that you've become a habit
can't you not leave me alone tonight?



© sashikant mohanty