So What

so what,
if you're not there,
when the lights went out,
when my heart sank, a bit low,
a bit more than the other days,
but then, you were always there
when my heart looked no further

so what,
if you're not there, today
when i couldn't take any more
when i'm at a breaking point,
but you were always there,
firm as a rock, 
when i grew weak in my knees,
and your prayers took over,
if it wasn't you

so what,
if you're not there, today
when my eyes welled up, so often;
where was i, all these years,
when you choked up
all by yourself, not letting me know,
lest i should rush to you?

so what,
if you're not there, today,
to wipe the tears, pat me strong
clasp my palm firm, and hug me tight,
i know, i didn't deserved them,
not then, when you were,
not now, when you aren't

so what,
you're not there, today,
when a tired heart awaits a caring another
when a worn head looks for a firm shoulder,
my heart not knowing, who you are
the one who prays,
stronger than anyone ever,
or, the one who's kept the scars gaping, 
forever

so what
you're not here, today,
when my eyes are tired,
but sleep eludes
when your heart has melted
but flesh unsure,
when your heart longs
for the world of dreams,
but the sole wanders on quicksand,
away from the soul




© sashikant mohanty