If Only

if only you knew
how tough it is to wait,
if only your lips dried up praying,
the way they did here,
if only you felt the pangs
deep - like i go through,
if only i was missed,
the way you are here, 
the way it has been every moment,
if only you lay awake,
gazing into the december skies,
wondering where i was,
how it'd be out there, in the cold,
if only you could look once
into my dreary eyes,
and, find in them, a beaming you,
if only you got drenched,
as you rush to see me,
if only you sit before me 
and i keep wondering
if it's raindrops or tears,
that melted in your eyes,
if only you stepped out of the dreams,
in the yellow starched pallu
wrapped over a white churidar, 
inch closer, lock your eyes with mine,
as the memories lit up and shine,
if only you lazed in the mornings,
the way you would then,
too close to be apart again

if only
you feel the feelings,
if only
you listen to the unworded thoughts,
if only
you saw my heart leap out of my eyes,
my sweet,
wouldn't you melt again,
in me,
wouldn't you let your soul
merge all over, again,
with mine?

© sashikant mohanty