Let's Settle Our Accounts

come, let's settle our accounts,

you've been asking for this,

and i long owe you too,

and must close before i'm gone

come, let's settle our accounts,

settling is closure, 

and closure we owe each other,

before death do us apart

settling our accounts, we must,

as that's what you've always wanted,

and have often reminded,

every time you buy me things
in return for my love

​settling our accounts, we must,

but is this 'settling' -

my spotless and selfless love 

with the bruises, you kissed me with,

the pains and angst, i endured

with the trigger you pulled,

my blessings and prayers
with your curses,

my blind love, 

with your half-truths and white lies, 

my unshaken belief, and trust

with your daily potions of drama,
and breach of trust,

​the years that i added to your life
(and your world's)

with the life that you knocked from my years?

settle our accounts, we must

but is this how you 'settle' -

the hell you've left me in,

for the heaven, you got through me,

your unkept promises,

for the unpromised love i lived, 

the stabs you punched my heart,

for your heart's pains that i swallowed, 

your deceit and the masks,
for my trust and truth,

the peace you robbed my nights of,
for the nights, that i stayed up for you,

the fears and nightmares you gifted
in exchange for your fears and nightmares,
that my love and belief saved you from?

come, let's settle our accounts,

as this is long overdue,

bring out your notebook,
as the list is too long

the same one,
where you'd penned the verses,

of the huge tsunami
that had left you scared,
and shaken,
and thwarted to uproot your world,
of the god you had seen,
how it brought back the memories
of the god of the bygone years,

the big lessons you'd learned,
and the finest things you'd noticed in me,
and the huge promises you'd made,
to be there
when our roles are swapped,
wrap your soul with the same chunni
this time,
for which you'd asked me
for a 'new pinch',
come, don't shy away seeing the list 

​come, let's settle our accounts,

you always wanted this, 

but bring along your soul
this time,

and polish your memories too,

the frames of the storms,

and of the lone pair of shoulders
that you found
whenever you had sought,

bring along, the depths of your heart,

that had torn into pieces
and had cried,

and the breath of relief,
you had sighed,
when you had found the heart
you needed, 

while everyone that mattered was around,

and yet none around, that mattered then,

bring along the teddy of love,

that you'd saved from eons back,

who still remembers the moments
(even if they elude you)
when love first visited you,

and have stood the test
of time and tide,
bring along the sacred thread
and your hand-cooked banana pancake,
they smell fresh like
the dawn after our first love, 

come, don't shy away seeing the list

come, let's settle our accounts,

the cruel joke is on us,
one kept on giving,
never for a return,

and the other showing up
when it's her turn,
one a giver even when broke,
the other endowed, yet ridden with debts,
not a hundred lives can repay,
insists on settling, yet shies away,
and still knows how again to find her way

come, let's settle our accounts
but would you trade

the storms, you've wreaked on my soul

for the soul, you had found in your storms?

© sashikant mohanty